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Competition Showcase – TROUBLE IN STORE by Keith Havers

 

About Keith Havers
Keith Havers is an elecronics engineer from Nottingham. He is a member of the Trowell Writers' Trust and has had various first, second and third prizes in their annual short story competitions. ‘I have been shortlisted for other magazine publications but have not yet managed to get into print,’ he says. ‘I was runner-up in the 2008 National Association of Writers' Groups short story competition. I have completed a historical novel which I am trying to get accepted and am also trying my hand at scriptwriting.’

TROUBLE IN STORE
by Keith Havers




The managing director of Jarwell's department store sat at his desk. Allowing himself a few minutes’ relaxation before his next meeting, he surveyed his grand office with its old-world decor which sat, rather incongruously, with the Jarwell's logo. Scattered around the room were various representations of the Jarwell Bear, the enduring symbol of the Jarwell business. His intercom buzzed. Jarwell pressed the button.
‘Mr Carver is here,’ his secretary's voice sang out of the tiny speaker.
‘Send him in, Alice.’
The young man was inside the room almost before Jarwell had released the button. His impatience had not gone unnoticed.
‘Ah Carver,’ said Jarwell. ‘Everything alright in Personnel?’
The young man approached the desk with intent.
‘The Human Resources department is fine, Mr Jarwell but we have a problem with Miss Pirbright from Children's Amusements,’ he began.
‘You mean the Toy Department?’
‘Yes, sir.’
‘What is it this time, Carver?’ Jarwell suppressed his own irritation.
‘She's refusing to attend the training programme again.’
‘You mean the IT awareness course?’
‘Yes.’
‘Didn't we resolve this the last time?’ continued Jarwell. ‘I thought we had agreed to exempt her from it.’
‘We agreed to excuse her on the previous occasion but I wasn’t aware that was an ongoing arrangement.’
‘Tell me, Carver, what will be the benefit from Miss Pirbright attending this course?’
‘It will enable her to become fully conversant with the company’s electronic packages and gain awareness of our internet policy.’
‘You sound like a computer salesman, Carver.’
‘Sir?’
Jarwell ignored his subordinate's perplexity.
‘Has Miss Pirbright given a reason for her lack of enthusiasm for the company's progress into the 21st century?’
‘She says that she has adequate knowledge of the company's systems and working practices to do her job and that, as she will be retiring in a few years’ time, she sees no advantage in attending the course.’
‘Seems like a sound argument to me.’
‘Sir, just because she has so far avoided having to come to terms with modern retail practices does not mean...’
‘Do you have a particular problem with Miss Pirbright, Carver? Apart from her indifference to modern technology, I mean.’
‘Well...’ the young man hesitated. ‘She is rather set in her ways.’
‘How do you mean?’
‘She has a conservative approach to her job.’
‘I'm still not sure what you mean. She is competent enough to do her job is she not?’
‘She is somewhat... traditional. We need people with a modern approach, creative people, people with ideas.’
Jarwell got up from his chair. He walked around his desk and stood in the middle of his spacious office.
‘Look around this office, Carver,’ he said. ‘What do you see?’
The young executive let his eyes wander around the room.
‘Well, it's your office, Mr Jarwell.’
‘Describe it to me.’
‘It has thick carpet, wood-panelled walls...’
‘Oak-panelled walls, Carver,’ Jarwell cut in. ‘A traditional building material. What do you see on those walls, Carver?’
‘Paintings, sir, portraits.’
‘Of?’
‘That one there is your grandfather and there’s his brother. And that one over there, I believe is your father.’
‘My grandfather started this business, Carver.’
‘I know, sir.’
‘He sold teddy bears on a market stall just along from where this building now stands. That's where the Jarwell Bear originates.’
‘I knew that, sir.’
‘And the medium on which these portraits have been painted?’
‘Oil, sir. Oil on canvas.’
‘Traditional materials, Carver. Now come over here.’
He beckoned Carver over to the window and the two men looked out together.
Now tell me what you see, Carver.’
‘It’s the town square, sir.’
‘That’s right. And if you stand over on the far side and look across the square what would you see?’
‘Er... well, this store runs right across the length of the square so all you would see is this store. With the Jarwell's sign halfway up.’
‘Exactly, Carver. Well done.’
‘Thank you, sir, but...’
‘Now, what do you see if you look straight down from here?’
The young man leant forward and peered down to a spot thirty feet from the store.
‘It’s the dancing fountain, Mr Jarwell.’
‘Anything else going on down there?’
‘Not that I can see. Just kids playing in the fountain.’
‘OK. Let’s try something else. Do you know which window display is directly below us, Carver?’
‘Let me see... We’re on the fourth floor. The entrance doors are along to our left so I guess it must be the toy display.”
‘Right again, Carver. So do you see?’
‘See what, sir?’
‘We have children playing and what do they see when they look up? Our toy display! And after they’ve finished splashing around in the fountain they drag their mummies up to the window and we’ve got their attention. They may not be in the shop yet but we’re at stage one.’
‘Yes I see now, sir.’
‘Now that’s not coincidence, Carver. That was deliberate. And do you know whose idea it was to have the toy display opposite the fountain?’
‘Er... yours?’
‘No, Carver. Miss Pirbright’s.’
‘Well, that’s all well and good but it still doesn’t...’
‘Come and sit down, Carver.’
The two men settled themselves into leather armchairs in the corner of the office.
‘Do you know anything about our current promotions, Carver?’
‘Well, the HR department doesn’t really get involved in promotions but I know we will soon be publicising the Summer Collection.’
‘And what about the Jarwell’s Bear award?’
‘Well that one goes without saying, sir. That’s a weekly competition that has been ongoing for years.’
‘That’s right, Carver. But what do you know about it?’
‘Well, just that every week, when the window display is changed Miss Pirbright hides a miniature Jarwell’s Bear somewhere in the display. If a child can spot where it is they can come into the store and post their guess in the box in the toy department. If their answer is drawn out at the end of the week and is correct they are awarded vouchers to use in the store.’
‘Spot on, Carver. And whose idea do you think?’
‘Before this conversation I would have said yours, sir. But now I’m guessing... Miss Pirbright’s?’
‘You’re catching on, Carver. Now do you see my point? Some of Jarwell’s employees have been here for a long time but that doesn’t mean they don’t accept change or innovation. Miss Pirbright knows about children, knows about retailing and sees opportunities for attracting the kids’ attention and getting them into the store. She doesn’t need a degree in computer science to do that does she?’
‘No, sir.’
‘This business is built on the foundations of tradition but grows from the seeds of creativity, Carver.’
‘I still believe she should do the course.’
‘Leave it with me, Carver. I’ll speak to her.’
Jarwell waited a few seconds after Carver had left, then went out into the waiting room where his secretary sat typing.
‘Carver gone has he?’ he said.
‘Yes, Mr Jarwell, a few moments ago,’ she replied. ‘He didn’t look very happy.’
‘He’ll get over it. Can you contact Miss Pirbright and get her to come up when she has a free minute?’
Thirty minutes later Jarwell and Miss Pirbright sat in the leather armchairs.
‘Is this about that young man and his wretched computer course?’ she said.
Jarwell smiled. ‘Carver did say you were somewhat hostile to the idea.’
‘It’s not the idea I’m objecting to it’s the way he talks down to me and suggests that I have difficulty with new concepts. I know I'm not fully at ease with the technology, Mr Jarwell, but I know enough to type in a few sales figures and fill in a spreadsheet.’
‘I know what you mean, Miss Pirbright. Sometimes I get the feeling he's even talking down to me!’
‘So, are you ordering me to go?’
‘Carver seems determined that every employee should attend.’
‘Let me tell you about being determined, Mr Jarwell,’ said Miss Pirbright. ‘I remember a young boy, Walter his name was. Years ago he used to stand outside that window every week trying to spot the Jarwell Bear but he didn't have the patience, you see. His eyes would dart everywhere trying to locate that elusive bear but he would never let them linger long enough to find it. He had a few wild guesses but was never successful. His mother brought him into the department one day and he told me that he was going to stand outside that window and stay there until he found the bear. He would stand there all night if necessary. Of course he couldn't, but when I saw the resolve in those little blue eyes I didn't doubt his sincerity. Now, if Mr Carver can treat me as an equal and look me in the eye with the same fortitude as that little boy, then I'll do what he asks.’
‘I'll tell you what I'll do. If I have a quiet word in Carver's ear and suggest that he improves on his interpersonal relationship skills will you, at least, attend the introductory module?’
‘Why, Mr Jarwell. That sounds like an excellent idea.’
Later that evening, just after closing time, Jarwell was outside the store admiring the window displays. He stopped at the toy display and acknowledged the amount of work which went into each weekly creation. As his gaze wandered over the exhibit he noticed a figure standing next to his own reflection in the window. He spun round.
‘Miss Pirbright!’ he exclaimed. ‘Or can I say Jane, as we’re out of business hours?’
‘What do you think?’ she asked, ignoring his familiarity.
‘Wonderful job, as usual,’ he laughed. ‘But tell me, just between the two of us. Where is the Jarwell Bear?’
‘I’ll give you a clue,’ she whispered. ‘You see the castle made of building bricks? Well, the third section along...’
‘I still can’t...’
‘Look between the turrets.’
‘Ah yes!’ Jarwell exclaimed. ‘I can just see an eye and an ear. I would never have spotted that if I had stood here all week.’
‘No... you never were any good at this, were you, Walter?’


Judging comment

Many writers believe that you should use as much dialogue in short stories as you possibly can. And Keith Havers, second prize winner in the Writing Magazine competition for a story about a window dresser, bases almost his entire story on dialogue.
It is also said that dialogue should achieve one, or both, of two things: It should contribute to the characterization, and it should move the story forward. Keith Havers achieves both.
Mr Jarwell, from the dialogue, comes across as a patient, understanding man, ideally suited to be a manager of people. Carver on the other hand is obsessed with his own importance and is, if anything, a little shallow. He is, for example, keen that his department should be referred to as Human Relations and not the old-fashioned Personnel. And Miss Pirbright is also presented to us as a very sensible lady. All done with dialogue.
And certainly the dialogue moves the story forward. There is not much narrative there, so the dialogue has to work that bit harder. But that still leaves the problem of how to bring the story to a satisfactory ending.
To do that, we go back to dialogue again as Miss Pirbright tells the story of young Walter Jarwell, and that links us to the closing line. All very neat.